BLOG 6 - The Adventures of David and Lea Part Two

Part Two – Mind Killer

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

-The Bene Gesserit Littainy against Fear.
From Dune by Frank Herbert

David stood in his bedroom in front of the full length mirror. He always felt that having a full length mirror wasn’t very manly but it was a gift from his nana and it came in handy during times like this. He wore his stillsuit, a skintight outfit made to resemble the traditional wear of the Fremen people of Arrakis. He was trying it on to make sure that it still fit for The Battle for Arrakis reenactment coming up next weekend.

Ermolai a Russian immigrant, now serving time in the state prison for his part in an international prostitution ring in which he acted as the middle man for the Russian mob, makes the outfits from his cell in his spare time each year. Even though Ermolai was locked up he still managed to be a member of the BWPSFC and attended meetings whenever he could, using a webcam and broadcasting from his cell via the internet. On each stillsuit created he attached a note which read:

“This is not a costume. What you have before you is an actual handmade authentic replication of a non-functioning heat dissipation/body wastes filter for the reclaiming of moisture garment, of the type worn by the fictional people of Arrakis in Frank Herbert’s classic science-fiction saga Dune. This non-functioning garment is accurate in every detail.”

He then personally signed each note as proof of authenticity and then always added as a P.S., “remember fear is the mind killer,” which was his favorite quote from the novel.

He did all of this because Ermolai was not just a member of the Russian mob he was also a science fiction lover.

David’s received his outfit about six years ago and for the first time it felt a bit snug, even for a non-functioning skintight outfit meant to recycle sweat and other bodily fluids. He would have to order a new outfit from Ermolai for next year’s reenactment.

Next year’s reenactment, he thought to himself and groaned. I better not be Fremen Number Two again. Next year something…better…something more! Maybe Stilguar or dear I think it Mau’Dib himself.

David attempted to make his way to his bed but found the skintight outfit restricted his movements which caused him to waddle more than actually walk. He awkwardly placed himself on edge of the bed and let out a heavy sigh as he asked himself; how was I suppose to charge across a sand dune in this thing? He tired to remind himself that he was not wearing a costume but that thought only seemed to make him feel worse. He sat on the bad and amerced himself in over whelming disappointment.

David’s melancholy mood lingered for the rest of the day until he eventually gave up and went to bed. When he awoke the next day he was even more disappointed to discover that upon awaking his melancholiness had returned.

That evening David attended Midland Community College where he was taking a creative writing class. He sat while Dannie Burton, a fellow student read excerpts to the class from the epic novel he had been working on all semester. The assignment had been to write a haiku but Dannie never felt the need to do what had been assigned.

On the first day of class Dannie declared that he would only work on his novel. When the class was working on short plays Dannie handed in an excerpt from his novel. When the class was working on short fiction Dannie handed an excerpt from his novel. And today when Dannie’s haiku ended up being an excerpt from his novel, nobody in the class was surprised. What infuriated David was that when Dannie read his excerpts in front of the class he didn’t stop, he just continued until class ended. The class knew that when the professor called on Dannie, class was pretty much over.

Dannie’s novel was a spy thriller called Between The Sheets. And from what David could put together from the excerpts was that the main character, a super spy by the name of Oden Rock apparently fought crime by using big guns and his even bigger penis which Dannie always seemed to describe in his work by using comparisons to firearms and sports cars. The only thing possibly bigger than the firearms and Oden’s genitalia may have been the numerous breasts on the women Oden had seduced.

David hated Dannie Burton with a passion but kept his thoughts to himself which was a shame because the rest of the class pretty much felt the same. On the other hand, Dannie’s professor seemed to hang on every word of Between The Sheets. While Dannie continued his never ending excerpt, David attempted to capsulate his hatred of Burton within his own Haiku but was unable to contain it in the limited five-seven-five syllable format of the poem. Mercifully class ended.

As David left class he was still consumed with thoughts of Dannie Burton’s Between The Sheets and over sized images of private parts dancing about in his head didn’t do much to improve his mood; it actually made it worse, which at that moment David didn’t think was possible.

In the parking lot, while she sat and waited for David on the hood of his 96’ Ford Escort, Lea read a worn paperback copy of Richard Adam’s Watership Down. Lea always had a book with her, she gobbled them up like a crazy book gobbling gobbler, and Watership Down was her go to novel when she didn’t have anything else to read, she literally lost count of how many times she had read the novel.

Danny caught sight of her perched on his car and an image of a giant skittle melted on his hood thanfully replaced the images of floating private parts.

“Did you know that everything rabbits do is out of fear?” She asked David as he approached his car.

David unfazed by Lea’s appearance on his car or her comment continued past her, unlocked his door, and said, “Off the car,” and got in.

“It doesn’t interest you that every decision made by an entire animal species is based on its fear?” Lea asked again as she slid off the roof and made her way into the car.

“Do you think writing a novel about guns and penises is creative writing?” David asked in return as he started up the car.

She seemed to pause as if considering his question and then replied, “Fear and reproduction, that’s all that matters with bunnies.”

“Breasts and Penises is all that matters to Dannie Burton,” David said with a huff.

Not knowing who Dannie Burton is Lea was understandably confused. She chose to keep quiet for now in hopes that the conversation would sort itself out.

David backed out of his spot and the two drove away. They drove in silence for almost ten minutes and Lea eventually went back to reading Watership Down.

A few moments later, out of the silence, David managed to arrive at some sort of conclusion reguarding their awkward discussion, “You get weird when you read that book. Did you know that?”

Lea put the book down, looked at David and said, “Your tried your stillsuit on today and it didn’t fit; did it?”

David looked back at her for a moment then returned his eyes to the rode, his hands at ten and two without giving a response.

“I knew it,” She said with a grin and then went back to her book.

David unsuccessful attemptedto prevent his own small smile from escaping but Lea managed to catch a glimpse of it through the corner of her eye before he could manage to real it back in. The two drove the rest of the way home in comfortable silence.

BLOG 5 - What This Blog Isn't About

What the hell is a blog anyway? According to Wikipedia,

“A blog is a website where entries are made in journal style and displayed in a reverse chronological order. Blogs often provide commentary or news on a particular subject, such as food, politics, or local news; some function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, web pages, and other media related to its topic. The ability for readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important part of most early blogs.”

According to me, blogs are usually self indulgent nonsense. My blog, Facts-Lies-Fiction, claims to be nothing more than that. Up until recently I did not make it a practice to read blogs. But now that I have one of my own I’m trying to be more tolerant and can say that I’ve actually have found blogs that have been enjoyable to read. Like most people in the cyber universe when I did find a blog that I liked, I usually read it, moved on and never to returned to it again. As a writer of blogs now, I’ve discovered that this is the worst sin somebody can do to a writer of a blog; after all people want others to read their blogs. So I’ve since started bookmarking or “following” the blogs that I enjoy. I’ve even started to add comments. All in an attempt create good blogging karma that will eventually find its way back to me. So far I’m still waiting.

All this blogging has caused me to think about the history of the blog – if there is such a thing. When did the blog actually start and where did the name come from? For the first time in my short history as a “blogger” I did a little research and this is what I’ve found.

The origin of the blog is a bit murky at best, but I did learn that they evolved from online diaries in 1994; an online diary is just a more basic blog. The credit for the first real blog goes to Justin Hall, who was a student at Swarthmore College. I hope someday somebody builds Justin a virtual stature somewhere.

The term blog comes from the term web log, which somebody took and got cute with and created the term we blog (moving the b in web and placing it in front of log, creating the term we blog), which then leaves us with just blog.

In short, I found it hard to research a history of something still in its infancy.

Some interesting blog information that I did manage to find:

Web Log = We Blog = Blog

Since 2003 blogs have increased from a few thousand to over 57 million.

Over 175,000 blogs are created daily.

You can be fired for what you write in your blog. There is no legal protection for “bloggers”.

So why the hell am I writing a blog anyway? When I started writing FLF it was a class assignment that I embarked on reluctantly. I did not consider myself a “blogger” and had no interest in starting an online diary that contained all my juicy secrets in it. One, I don’t really have any juicy secrets – as much as I would like to and two, the only thing worse than having juicy secrets is sharing them with people that really have no business knowing them. After all, it’s good to have healthy boundaries. In other words, you don’t need to know my inner most personal thoughts. So piss off!

So I guess I started writing FLF because I had to…but I enjoy writing so decided to continue. Plus I found having a medium to share my writings, even if nobody is really reading them, motivated me to write more. The more I write the better I’ll get – or at least that’s what They say.

So, what was I going to write about? Before I wrote my first blog I thought a lot about this and realized I’m really not an expert on anything. I am amazed at how little I know! I actually should do a hell of a lot more reading then writing, I might learn something that way. Not being an expert on anything was a bit of a disappointment at first, but after I thought about it for while I became comfortable with it and now I prefer it. Experts always have to stop what they are doing to tell somebody else that what they are doing is wrong – that’s sort of their job. Here is an example:

“I’m not sure how to wrestle this alligator?”

“You should hire an expert to teach you. After all you don’t want to do it wrong.”

“That’s true. I could get hurt. Maybe I’ll just have the expert do it.”

“That sounds like a good idea. I’ll get the phone book so you can look up the number.”

“Why thank you for being so very helpful.”

Conversations like this happen all the time all over the world. Just change the words wrestle and alligator with almost anything else.

So, I would rather continue with what I want to do, the way I want to do it – even if it’s really really wrong. That way nobody ever ruins my Sunday afternoon by asking me to come over and show them how to do something or worse ask me to do it for them. Some might call that laziness – I call it being brilliant.

So, if we all agree that I know pretty much nothing, what was I going to write about? Was I just going to pull stuff out of my ass and pretend to know more than I do? Nah, that would be kind of lame. Instead, I just sort of decided to let the blog take shape all on its own (after all not too many people are reading this thing anyway). Sort of a learn as you go approach. I’m sure some things will work much better than others. First instance, this is my first blog that is actually supposed to be somewhat informational. I actually opened a text book for this one!

The only real rule I have for myself in regards to FLF is that I write something once a week – it could be almost anything. Of course there are a few exceptions:

I will not discuss my relationships or lack of one.

I will not discuss politics. I do have my views but I hate when people try to tell me why mine are wrong and theirs are right. I basically feel those that don’t see the world as I see it just can’t be saved. I know that sounds pretty harsh but it’s easier than trying to put all the misguided back on track. Who has time for that? Plus I find that people don’t generally read stuff that goes against their views, so why bother preaching to the choir. In short, you won’t find any agenda being pushed down your throat here. Even if it would hold all the answers the known universe – face it, you’re just not ready.

In other world there are two types of people in the world, those that watch Fox News and then everybody else. For the record those that watch Fox News are among the ones that, in my opinion, can’t be saved.

I also promise that I won’t write poems. Not that I have anything against poems (if they are short) but I’m just not good at them. So, I’ll let other people do that.

I won’t give you advice on anything at all, share recipes, divulge family secrets, share home improvement tips, tell you to exercise, eat right, attempt to make you cry, discuss God, Buddha or any other all powerful being unless it’s out of a fantasy or science fiction movie/comic book/cartoon/novel. Have no fear; I will not attempt to share anything that might be considered helpful to you in anyway.

I will selfishly write about nonsense, things I like, and create fictional stories that may or may not be any good.

The real question is – is there anybody reading this?

I know of one person that has read this blog more than once. I know others that claim they have read it and my guess is that they read it once, moved on, and have forgotten about it. I do send out an occasional email to friends to remind them about the blog but fear I may just be annoying them. The truth is it’s no fun to write if nobody is reading. However, I plan to continue anyway because I want to motivate myself to write on a regular basis and this blog gives me a deadline, granted it’s a made up deadline created by myself, but it gives me the motivation needed to sit down in front of the computer and write something almost daily (or nightly in my case).

So if you do read this, leave a comment even if it’s just says – I read this. You just have to click on the pencil at the bottom of the blog. Or become a follower, you just hit the button to the right labeled “follower” and I think you’ll get an email when I post something or maybe they email the blog to you. I’m not really sure how it works but I promise it’s relatively harmless. Otherwise, you’re most likely not going to return and then who knows, you might miss something and that would be a shame.

And I promise that if this blog every becomes about anything, anything at all I will quit. That’s my promise to you.

So tell your friends that you’ve found a really non-informative blog that stands without principles, direction, or purpose. I’m sure people will want to flock to it. Just remember to hit the follow button to the right, so you won’t forget to come back.

BLOG 4 Part 1 - It's Halloween, So Let's Talk About Horror Movies

In honor of Halloween, I figured I’d ramble on a bit about horror movies. I love watching movies. I’m a Netflix member and I get stuff sent to my house all the time. Right now I have Alfred Hitchcock’s To Catch a Thief at home. I watch movies so often that I do crazy stuff like view all of Fellini’s films in chronological order. Years of doing this sort of the thing has turned me into a proud movie snob while at the same time dulled my social skills. However, when it comes to horror films I can’t think of too many I like, probably because of my movie snobness. Most in my opinion are complete crap.

I grew up on Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street, two films clearly influenced by John Carpenter’s Halloween. Now, I’m not a big Halloween fan but I do give it credit for creating the whole genre of 80’s slasher films that followed. In the 80’s they stuck to the simple formula that John Carpenter used in Halloween, blood and boobs, which was pretty much what every horror film was about then. Then if the film was successful they would create sequel after sequel doubling the amount of blood and boobs in each one until there was no where left to go, except maybe to make the next film in 3-D (so you could have the blood and boobs on your lap). When all of these gimmicks had been exhausted and the studio had successfully drained every last cent out of their products the films usually at that point had gone from something scary to just plain stupid. So, in other words I grew up on a steady diet of crap.

Some people look back upon these crappy horror films with fondness. And while some people enjoy them for their crappiness - I don’t. They’ll say that these films bring back a simpler time or other such nonsense. Not me a crappy movie is a crappy movie. And when it comes to the horror genre there is no shortage of bad. I’m not a big fan of gore and sort of lean towards less is more. I feel nobody can scare me more than myself and whatever I can imagine is on that screen while I’m covering my eyes is far scarier then what actually is. Take for example the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, people will insist that it’s one of the goriest films ever made when in fact it’s not that graphic. Mostly everything is implied and enhanced with the awful sound of Leatherface’s chainsaw. Also, if you scare them big in the beginning the audience is going to psych themselves out by expecting it just to get worse.

Now, when it comes to the kids today and what they are watching I don’t have a clue. I don’t see as many sequels out there but I do see a lot of crap. And for the record to all you people that like Saw, I hate to break it to you but it’s not a good film so get over it. In my opinion, the three best horror films are William Friedkin’s The Exorcist, Stanly Kubrick’s The Shinning, and Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. The fact that none of these films were released after 1980 goes to show you that I’m either out of touch or horror films haven’t done anything special in almost thirty years.

Japan though is on to something. The Japanese really know how to scare people and they really like to go after single women with kids, Ringu and Honogurai Mizu No Soko (which translated means…well,I have no idea what it means but it’s the original Japanese version of Dark Water) are just two examples. Hollywood has taken notice of Japanese success and has made a slew of poorly made remakes of their films as well as some of their own that goes after single moms and kids (The Others anyone). It’s a formula that works and it does sound a bit more intelligent than boobs and blood.

Of course a new generation of film makers raised on the crap of Friday The 13th has attempted to bring back 80’s gore, Eli Roth with the dreadful Cabin Fever and then his follow up Hostel (which I haven’t seen due to hating Cabin Fever so much). Rob Zombie is another one influenced by 80’s horror even remaking Halloween. In fairness to Zombie I haven’t seen any of his films so I can’t comment on whether they are good or not.

So, what does all this mean? I guess it means I’m not a big horror fan. But its Halloween time so if I was going to watch a Horror film here is what I’d watch:

See next blog

BLOG 4 Part 2 - It's Halloween, So Lets Talk About Horror Movies

This is a list of Horror films that you should have seen because if you haven’t you’re not as cool as me. (Click on the film so see a clip)

Psycho


The Shinning


The Exorcist


Jaws

The Others


Dracula (original version)


Halloween (original version)


Rosemary’s Baby


The Birds


The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original version)


Here is a list of lesser known horror films that I really like (you should check these out)

May


Audition


The Devil’s Backbone


Uzumaki


Ju-on (Japanese version)

Hour of The Wolf

Onibaba

The Descent

The Wicker Man (the original version)

I’m sure I’ve forgotten something, if you can think of any that I’ve left out feel free to leave a comment.

Happy Halloween

BLOG 3 - The Adventures of David and Lea Part One

The Adventures of David and Lea

Part One – Mind Breeze

Every other Sunday David and Lea went to the Midland library for the Bi-Weekly Pilgrims of Science Fiction Club meeting. David, thirty-one had been going to BWPSFC for almost seventeen years. Lea, twenty-six had been attending for almost six years. The meeting took place in the library conference room, or as the BWPSFM members called it their sietch, a reference taken from the novel Dune. When the practice of using the term sietch, which refers to a secret meeting place, actually started nobody can say for sure other then it began sometime before any of the current members had joined. It is thought that the BWPSFC began shortly after the release of the film 2001: A Space Odyssey in 1969, almost forty years ago.

David was tall, thin and most people, when looking upon him, were reminded of tall grass being blown by a gentle wind – nobody had ever mentioned this to anyone else, probably because the realized it sounded nuts, so everybody seemed to think that it was just them. Perhaps this subconscious visual representation was due to the slight curvature of David’s body. Either way, people seemed to hear a subtle breeze in their head when in David’s presence, again this went unspoken.

Lea in contrast was short and heavy set. She wore glasses and let her hair, as she was fond of saying, do what it needed to do. When looking at Lea head on most people were reminded of a large skittle. This may have had just as much to with her fondness for shirts and tops that were, without fail, some sort of primary color, as well as for her rather perfectly round shape which was slightly thrown off by her head and legs, which distorted the illusion of a skittle by a small margin. Lea was not grossly overweight just really really round and yet she still managed to be successfully cute even with her skittle-like appearance, therefore breaking every rule of what people usually found attractive. Lea was a bit of a mystery this way but then again who doesn’t like skittles.

Today’s meeting was to plan the details of the annual reenactment of The Battle of Arrakis, another Dune reference, an event which had begun sometime before anybody could remember. David sort of felt that the group relied too heavily on the Dune novels but dared not speak of this out loud knowing that it would be thought upon as heresy by many of the other members. David had always been afraid to admit openly that he did not fully understand Dune, which was sort of a shame because if had he would of learned that within the BWPSFC he was not alone with these feelings.

David actually did enjoy the reenactment each year but was disappointed that he had ended up playing Fedaykin Number Two, otherwise known as a Freman Death Commando, which meant basically he ran across the sand with Fedaykin Death Commando Number One screaming “Maud’Dib”. In the novel thousands ran across the desert but the BWPSFC only have twenty-three members so the event understandably had to be scaled down a bit. David had played Fedaykins every year and had hoped to eventually get to play one of the major characters but as of yet that had not happened. Lea on the other hand always played Chani, Maud’Dib"s lover, which was a great part. The part of Mau’Dib”, the main role, always went to Luke the leader of the club. Luke was born Rene Willimas but legally changed his name to Luke after seeing Star Wars for the first time in 1977. He considered changing his last name to Skywalker but chickened out in the end, a fact that from time to time results in some teasing from the others for not going all out. Luke still considers proving them all wrong and going all out and getting his last name changed once and for all.

David always drove Lea to and from the biweekly meetings; according to Lea driving made her violent and unpredictable, two qualities that nobody wanted to contribute in bringing out in her, mainly because the idea caused great fear in most. It was generally agreed that it was best for everybody not to get Lea excited. On the ride home David was feeling particularly grumpy due to, once again, not receiving a major role in the annual Battle for Arrakis reenactment.

“I need a cheeseburger,” stated Lea as a matter of fact.

David did not respond, past memories of running across the dessert screaming, “Maud’Dib” filled his head. He continued to drive through town his eyes straight ahead his hands at ten and two. He drove absently through the suburban streets past the Wal-Marts, Rite-Aids, and countless other mega stores of the universe until he pulled into a McDonald’s unsure of how he had arrived there.

***

Lea and David sat on the edge of the pier eating their dinner. Lea sucked down the remains of her chocolate shake while David absently ate his McNuggets. Lea let out her grossest belch to get David’s attention but he once again failed to respond. She of course had picked up on the fact that something was bothering David but knew from years of experience that asking him wouldn’t do any good. He would discuss it with her in his own time. So the two sat, in silence, at the edge of the pier and watched the sunset while Lea let out an occasional belch.

From time to time she thought she heard a subtle breeze blow but then felt she must have been mistaken because she felt no wind. Then she would occasionally turn from the colored sky and look upon David, belch, and remind herself that it was just him getting into her head.

BLOG 2 - Things I Like That You May Not Know You Like...Yet

The Art of Manliness. I stumbled across this web site when I was searching the internet for ideas for books to read. This site actually has a list called 100 Must Read Books - The Essential Mans Library, which is just 100 books every man should read before they die. I’d argue that the list is just as relevant for women. I do admit that their seems to be a bit too many books on teddy Roosevelt, but after all he was pretty manly.

Anyway, I was happy to find a man’s web site that wasn’t just about attractive women slumped over sports cars. I’d like to think that most men, on occasion, are a little bit deeper than that. The web site offers such cool things as a Barbershop locator's, grooming tips, how to shave like your grandpa and tips on how to talk like Frank Sinatra.

Persona is a 1966 film directed by Swedish filmmaker Ingmar Bergman that probablyy deserves an entire blog to itself, which I might just do at a later time. Let’s just say that David Lynch has made an entire career exploring the themes of this film. It is thee foreign film that people spoof without even knowing they are doing so, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that its brilliant and a real piece of art, as all of Bergman’s films are.


Liv Ullman plays Elisabet, an actress who right before going on stage loses her ability to speak. The film takes place almost entirely in an islolated seaside cottage with just Elisabet and her nurse Alma, played by Bibi Anderson. Ullman hardly speaks at all throughout the film with Andersson speaking most of the dialogue. The film relies on visuals and Ullmasn's face to tell most of the story. Eventually, their identities begin to merge (like all of David Lynch's characters - Mulholland Drive anybody) and all sorts of artsy foriengn film stuff ensues. On a side not I can listen to women whispereing in Sweedish forever - who knew?

I'm convinced that Bergman was in love with both of these actresses - he did have relationships with both of them at different times. You can pick up on his infatuation with them in the way the film is shot - or at least I think so (or maybe I'm just infatuated with them myself) either way check it out. Click here to see a clip.

Dune the 1965 science fiction novel by Frank Herbert hurt my head. It took me a long time to get through the 489 pages and that's not including the four appendixes, maps, and glossary. And even with all that added information, I don't claim to fully understand it but yet it's still awesome. You have to love a book that is so complex that all film adaptions have failed. Although, the mini-series and the David Lynch version are both decent in their own ways. Now I hear that there is going to be another film adaption in 2010, I hope they don’t screw this one up as well. Anyway, if you like giant sand-worms, reclaimed body moisture (think about that for a second), and lots and lots of sand then this book is for you. I'm not going to try to explain the plot since I don't fully understand it myself but trust me it's a good read.

The Wire ran on HBO for five seasons. I never once watched it when it was on the air. I caught bits and pieces and just thought it was a lot of swearing within an incoherent plot. A friend and former coworker of mine would continually recommend the show to me but I took my sweet time getting around to watching it - I was wrong. Everyone should go rent season one of The Wire now! If Shakespeare was writing today he probably would be writing The Wire. It has to be one of the best written television shows ever. You need to watch it from the beginning and pay attention and if you do you’ll find yourself addicted and waiting by your mailbox for the next DVD from Netflix’s to arrive (or that could just be me). Yes, it’s a cop show. Yes it’s about Drugs. Yes it’s full of bad language and violence. All things that kept me from watching it for years – that was a mistake. WATCH THIS SHOW. Click here for a clip

So that's it. I like other stuff to but these are some things that I've been enjoying recently so that's why they were chosen.

The real point of this blog was for me to practice adding pictures and links but that doesn't matter.

Anyway, I hope you find at least one thing on here that's new and you feel like checking out.