BLOG 9 - The Adventures of David and Lea Part Three

Part Three - Mind Trip

The impression of weeds gently blowing in the breeze lingered in her mind. She brought herself there, to that mental image of the field that seemed to always be calling her. She liked it there. The sky was always a perfect shade of blue and the sun hovered deep within in the idyllic setting. She waded her way through the green up to her waist in the grass. She wore a short plaid skirt that flared out, an indecent length if not for the black tights she wore underneath. A lime green sweater and a pair of non-matching high top Chuck Taylor’s on her feet completed her somewhat absurd look, yet somehow on her it looked just about right. The breeze blew from her back and pushed her naturally messy hair forward, she did not bother to fix it choosing to let it fall where it may. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander.

Her thoughts slowly swirled about, wrapping themselves around her, as she stood motionless in the grassy field of her mind. A kind of fluidity took over and she was safely transported further away from reality choosing instead to travel deeper within her. The breeze picked up a bit pushing her slightly forward causing her to spread her arms apart while planting her Chuck Taylor’s firmly in the ground. She let out a sigh.

She thought of David and smiled. They had been friends for five years. Without him she would never have been able to reach this place within her. She thought of the dark corners she had lingered before he came; places she still finds and visits but her stays are shorter and less destructive now that she is able to find her way back to the field, the weeds, and the breeze.

She opened her eyes slightly. A rabbit stood a few yards away; maneuvered itself onto its hind legs, as if to get a better look at her. Rabbits represent fear, she thought. She tried to dismiss the idea from her mind but before she could she felt herself slip away for a bit. The sun dimed slightly as another rabbit appeared.

Her mind lurched as it pulled away. She thought about her fears; the dark, crowds, men, intimacy, sex – She attempted to push them back, to stop her mind from going further down its dark path. The sun grew small and cold. The sky grew dark. Yet another rabbit appeared

She felt the temperature drop. The two rabbit’s ears perked up at the exact same time and she began to feel anxious. The sun continued to shrink, she felt cold, and the light continued to fade. She tried to run but realized she could not move her legs. Yet another rabbit appeared.

She thinks about the pills her doctor gave her, the ones that would create a bridge to lead her out of the dark spots, the pills she thought she didn’t need. Again she tried to push the fear away. She thought about David and thought she felt the sky grow a shade brighter but again her mind lurched. She thought about school, boys, teasing, isolation – she again pushed back. She so wanted the bridge out of here, even if it was a pill. Yet another rabbit appeared.

Her shrink would listen. She would speak. He would say, “Tell me more about that.” And she would. In her first session she said nothing. The two sat in the antiseptic room for one hour exactly in complete silence. She remembered how she could hear the hum of the digital clock riding on top of the silence in the room, it glided on top like a rock skipping upon a wave.

She sat on a worn orangish couch, and clutched a matching pillow. He sat in a matching arm chair with a notebook in his hand. Behind him stood an expensive antique looking bookshelf with an AM radio on it. The bookshelf looked like it belonged in somebody’s grandparent’s parlor. An AM radio, she thought, how strange. Who has just an AM radio now a days? The shelves were lined with an assortment of books on mental illness, a DMS Four, a book on medication and an assortment of books on the field by authors with many initials after their names. Squeezed in-between them was a worn Star Trek paperback novel called The Ghost Ship. She had a sudden vision of her shrink reading only science fiction novels based on cancelled television shows instead of something more scholarly, something with the latest innovations in the field of psychiatry. Suddenly the other books on the shelves were just for show. This bothered her a great deal and she spent a lot of time ruminating about it.

An M.C. Escher print, Relativity, hung on the wall in a cheap frame. It was one the one with all the staircases leading into each other and going every which way, and she thought it was a bit too obvious for a psychiatrist’s office. She stared at the print and thought of herself as a cliché.

Five minutes before the end of the session, after sitting through an hour were neither spoke to each other, besides the initial greeting, the shrink made another appointment with her for the following week. He leaned forward with the card and she took it into her hand and rose from her seat and exited the office. Outside in the waiting room she wondered what had just happened and felt herself begin to shake. A young man, slightly overweight in need of a shave and a haircut, looked up from his magazine and at her. She met his stare before he returned his gaze back to his magazine, making her vanish from his perspective in the process. She remembered that he was reading People and Rosie O’Donnell was on the cover. She remembered thinking, what’s wrong with him? And that seemed to lighten her mood a bit.

She thought of David and smiled. The rabbits were losing interest, vanishing one by one. She returned to the field, the sky, and the breeze. Things were a bit better. She stood in the field undisturbed enjoying the breeze, focusing on it feeling the tips of the grass brush up against her hands. She lost track of time and just was. Leah stood in the field of her mind and was at ease - at rest.

Until she opened her eyes and returned.